a light after darkness
by hawkeyelover15
Summary: margaret accepts a mailed proposal from hawkeye about a month after the war ends and runs to colonel potter because she has a 'problem' and when she tells hawkeye will he accept her still or turn her away because of his sanity. will not be able to update this story until february. laptop had to be wiped and need to restore my documents.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N another new HM but i promise! i will stick with this one i already have a death threat from my cousin HAHA. please enjoy it, updates will be slow though considering im staying with my cousin and she just had twins so it's quite hectic but ill try :D**

Missouri 1953 august 20th The normal quiet of the old potter house in Hannibal Missouri, rang in racket as the retired colonel rushed to the door to greet his 'daughter', he swung the old oak door open and engulfed Margaret in a big hug. _"Oh Margaret, im so glad to see you are you ok you sounded pretty upset on the phone"_ Sherman asked pulling back admiring Margaret's etire, she was wearing a simple blue sun dress and her blond hair up in a loose pony tail, she had on light makeup and her skin looked more soft and glowing.

She sighed "_im alright colonel, i just really needed a place to stay and you're the only person i could think of to turn to"_ her normally bright baby blue eyes, had a lost look in them and her face was sad.

_"Oh come on Margaret, its Sherman now and im not the only person you can turn to, you have the gang to run to especially Peirce_" he noticed how at the mention of Hawkeye she turned away to hide the few tears that ran down her smooth cheeks "_Margaret whats wrong, you can tell me_" he was worried for his honorary daughter, her father kicked her out because she resigned her commission because she wanted to go after the love of her life but couldn't. the reason she failed to mention _"come inside Margaret, here give me your bags"_ he bent down and picked up the two big and quite heavy suitcases and led her inside the warm farm-house, he led her into a cozy living room with a fire-place on the far wall and a big window to the right that over looked the field surrounding the house and on the left side there was a yellow couch and beside it two big red puffy arm chairs, he set down her suitcases by the couch and motioned for her to sit. she sat down and crossed her legs and starred out the big window and watched the couple of horses buck and canter,as they ran freely.

Sherman sat in the red chair to her right and watched as she just looked straight forward. _"alright Margaret whats wrong there is more to it then being kicked out by your father, you told me you were going to go after Hawkeye to tell him ... how you feel because he loved you back and he left you his mothers ring, what happened to doing that its obvious you want to marry him you're wearing the ring on your left hand"_ she continued to stare as more tears streamed down her face as she thought about the letter that had the ring in it, he put it in her duffel bag before she left and while unpacking at the 8063rd she found it and knew her answer immediately.

_"please Margaret you can talk to me"_ he pleaded feeling sorry for her, she looked down and played with the ring on her finger, it was beautiful it had three diamonds, one big one in the middle, the colour of Hawkeyes deep blue ocean eyes, and two lighter blue and smaller diamonds on either side while held together by white silver entwined into three vines. she barely got her words out around the lump in her throat "_im... im preg"_ she stopped herself

"_your what?"_ Sherman asked almost knowing what she was going to say "_im pregnant"_ she managed to choke out and she sobbed harder and hid her face in her hands, the ex colonel moved to the couch and sat beside her rubbing her back in reassurance,"are you sure Margaret" she nodded her head. after a while she calmed down and wiped her eyes careful not to smudge her mascara even more, "_Margaret if I may ask...who is the father?"_ he asked concerned for her

She began to cry again but got it all out in one breath "_Hawkeye..."_ Sherman didn't seem as surprised as she would have thought, and really he wasnt

she wiped her eyes with the tissue Sherman handed her,"_you dont look surprised ... why?"_ she asked confused

_"because at the beach in Inchon on the 4th i say you and Hawkeye sneaking away together hand in hand i kind of knew what you guys were getting up to"_ the colonel blushed a little

_"Margaret is this why you came here instead of going to Hawkeye"_

_"yes"_ she sighed

_"why you guys already would have a family started what a great start to the end of the war"_

she took a deep breath _"because i know what happened that night to him and why he was taken to Tokyo, and afterwards he couldn't even go near children, i saw how uncomfortable he was when i was holding kim, when the orphans were there he avoided them. how could i put such a burden on him like this, what a great way to reply to his proposal, what was i supposed to do,just show up on his door step accepting his proposal and telling him how much i love him then saying 'oh by the way im pregnant with your child' yeah he definitely won't think im marrying him because im pregnant"_ she caught her breath, because of the sarcasm pooring out of her mouth " _sorry_ " she said short of breath

_"it's alright Margaret, and your right you have a point but you have to tell him"_ she sighed again knowing he was right " _you look tired why don't you go lay down and we can discus this again in the morning when you feel more up to it"_ she nodded her reply and followed him as he grabbed her suitcases, and walked out into the hallway and turned left, walking up the big staircase and entering a room two doors down at the end of the hall,she entered hesitantly taking in her surroundings. it was simple white but had nice big yellow curtains on the window on the back wall and a big queen sized bed underneath it with a green quilt and a couple of pillows to her right was a dresser and a closet and to her left was a big door leading into a small en suite. Sherman set her bags down at the dresser "_goodnight Margaret sleep well"_ he gave her a reassuring smile and walked out closing the door behind him. she didn't even bother to change or do anything before climbing into the comfortable soft bed, she looked at her watch as it read 10:22 pm it was basically dark outside and the moonlight filtered through the curtains. she rested her head on the pillow and fell into a nightmare sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N yay another update :D i noticed i forgot my disclaimer last chapter so well (disclaimer) my grammar may be a bit bad but it will be fixed soon once i can use my computer, using my cousins and it's not the greatest :/**

crab-apple cove 1953 august 21

Hawkeye sighed as he continued to stare at the photo of Margaret at the party for the orphans, she was wearing her Hawaiian shirt tied up high, and white shorts her golden hair flowing nicely over her shoulders. kim sitting in her arms, '_children'_ he thought '_children ... a family wih margaret somday is what I want'why hasnt she come yet?'_ he asked himself _'or called'_ _'she probably doesn't want me and just got rid of the ring she must have gotten my letter' 'no she would never do that she knows how much that ring means to me she would never do that to me and i swore from the look in her eyes she had feelings for me, or at least really cared, and that kiss goodbye wasnt exactly all my doing it was pretty mutual and how about the 4th of July on the beach what was that about if she didn't have feelings for me she would never have done that especially that look in her eyes was a clear give away'_ he sighed again.

"_something on your mind son"_ his fathers soft voice scaring him, he jumped and turned around on the dark tan coloured leather couch to face him.

_"yeah but nothing you could solve_" he turned around and continued to stare at the picture,

daniel looked over his shoulder eyeing the picture he saw way to often, _"you know son wishing Margaret was here wont exactly get her here, you have to go after her if you truly love her"_

_"dad I do love her with all my heart but i just don't know where she is, if I did ide be out of here and on my way to her in a heart beat"_

_"I know son, im sorry_" he turned around and then remembering what he came in there for, he snapped his fingers and turned back around and spoke "_oh son I forgot B.J is on the line he said it was important ... he also said something about Margaret_" before he could turn back around Hawkeye had rushed past him and up the stairs to his office, slamming his door shut he picked up the phone off the receiver

_"hello B.J you still there?"_ he asked wondering if he had hung up

_"hey hawk yeah im still here"_ the Californian laughed "and I have news"

"_well spill it beej"_ Hawkeye asked getting anxious

_"alright well i know where Margaret is, she is with colonel potter, he called me telling me that she was on her way to you but she had found out something that had caused her to change course. apparently her intent was to marry you but this problem is big I guess, and she wants to resolve it before she goes to you because she didn't want to burden you with her problems"_

_"oh god beej ... do you know whats wrong?"_ he asked a little worried

_"yeah i do but im sworn to secrecy, but if i were you i would head out on the next flight to Missouri and go to her"_

Hawkeye dropped the phone not even bothering to say goodbye or hang up and rushed to his bedroom at the end of the hall,

_"oh and hawk i got great news pegs pregnant!"_ he waited a few seconds for Hawkeyes reply, but it never came _"hawkeye your there ...hello earth to hawk"_ realising he must have left, he hung up and continued to play 'dolls' with his daughter

when he entered his room, he rushed to the right side of his room and to the corner to his tall dresser, and opened up both doors, he grabbed his black suitcase from the bottom and a couple of pairs of shirts and pants from hanging on the rod inside. using his dresser instead of his walk-in closet because of his claustrophobia, he pulled out the drawer on the bottom and through a couple of pairs of socks and underwear into the suitcase on the ground beside him.

he continued to rush around and went into the en suite on the same side, and grabbed his razor and cologne, throwing them into his almost full suitcase,he snapped it shut and ran out the door of his beautiful bedroom and grabbed his wallet and keys on the way out. he rushed down the staircase and to the front door slipping on his runners

_"dad im going to Missouri for a couple of days ill be back by next sunday"_ he yelled over his shoulder running out of the house

_"the things you do for love"_ daniel said to himself as he sat at the table in the dining room and sipped his coffee

Missouri august 21st 12:00 pm

Margaret was quiet as the ex colonel talked to his wife about last night,she was out at bingo late and didn't come back until after Margaret was asleep so she didn't know what was going on.

Sherman sat down across from Margaret at the round breakfast table,he patted her hand in comfort as Margaret held her churning stomach, she was going to call Hawkeye and explain things to him and she was nervous. she was released from her thoughts as the doorbell rang rapidly,

_"im coming im coming"_ Sherman said rushing to the door to meet the impatient person on the other side, when he opened the door he didn't expect who was standing there

"_pierce?"_ the colonel asked a little shocked

_"where's Margaret?"_ Hawkeye asked impatiently

_"she's in the kitchen, come inside son"_ Hawkeye ignored him as he walked fast through the house through the living room to the kitchen, he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw her, she looked up to see who was there. the world seemed to stop and heart was pounding as she saw him, he looked good sort of, he looked tired and worn but he looked good physically in some ways. he was a bit more muscular his hair was less gray, he was wearing ripped jean shorts down to his knees and a white muscle shirt that showed off his body well.

"_Margaret"_he breathed in his words as he saw her glowing eyes, the next thing he knew Margaret was in his embrace and instantly he wrapped his strong arms around her waist and laid his head on hers and rocked her back and forth as she began to cry.

_"oh Margaret my Margaret"_ he noticed his mothers ring on her left hand, and he gasped quietly, _does she actually love him?_ he asked himself

_"oh god it's good to be in your arms again ... I love you"_ she managed to get out before he kissed her lovingly,he reluctantly pulled away "_three words I thought I would never hear you say, Margaret houllihan I love you with all my heart"_ he sighed a relieved sigh as she smiled up at him.

_"why are you here?"_ she asked abruptly

_"because you are here and I came after you, trying to prove my love, why are you here I heard from B.J that you have ... a problem whats wrong?"_ he asked concerned for his (somewhat fiancé)

she looked down _"will you stick with no matter what it is"_

_"of course Margaret I love you I really do nothing can change that"_ he said lifting her head for her eyes to meet his

_"alright you know that day on the beach in July?"_ she asked worried

"yeah how could I forget" he hd a smug smile on his face

_"well I know what happened that night, and why you were sent to Tokyo. it was because of that baby on the bus"_

_"yeah"_ he said sadly, his smile completely wiped from his face as he remembers that poor baby

_"well ... I didn't go to you because of that, afraid you wont want me anymore because of my dreams of a family with you and thouht you would be scared because of your new phobia of children"_

_"margaret you know im getting better, im making progress and by the time we are married i will probaly be recovered"_

_"you don't understand, it's really complicated"_

_"how?"_ he asked confused

_"because ... I'm pregnant now, and its yours"_

**A/N ooh whats going to happen now will he still except her or his sanity more important , stick with me to find out. review please :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N yay! i can FINALLY! update this, i go my laptop fixed and all my files are back :) sorry for the wait but here it is, the 3rd chapter to (A light after darkness)**

_"You ... You are?"_ Hawkeye asked as he stood there stunned, motionless. Now that was a lot to take in.

_"yes i am"_ Margaret stepped back from his embrace, trying to give him some space. he looked angry. this scared Margaret, and she was frozen in place as she watched him turn around and run out of the room.

_"Hawkeye!"_ she screamed after him. but he continued to run, straight out the front door, and down the stairs. he sat down on the last step and hid has face in his hands.

she moved slowly outside towards him, and laid her hand on his shoulder as she sat down on the step behind him. _"Hawkeye talk to me_" she pleaded

_"h-how?"_ he asked, choking on his words "_how did this happen?"_

"_Hawkeye ... ben you know how"_ she said

Hawkeye sighed and dropped his hands from his face. he turned to face Margaret and grabbed her hand in both of his. _"I can't ... can't do this"_ he said looking down at their hands

_"what do you mean?"_ she asked confused

_"I can't"_

_"can't what hawk?"_

_"I'm not ready to be a-a father_" he stuttered, he couldn't look at her.

_ "well I'm not ready to be a mother, but i have to do it"_

_"this is different"_ he yelled, Margaret pulled her hand out of his grasp. she could feel the tears starting in her eyes.

"_what do you mean?"_ she asked as he stood up and walked past her back inside. he grabbed his suitcase and walked back outside.

_"what I mean is... i can't be a father, and I'm not ready to even try_" he walked away from a shocked Margaret, he only made it 10 feet away before Margaret came after him.

"_Hawkeye!"_ she caught up to him and grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. quite forcefully.

_"don't leave ... please_" she begged him, her eyes filled with tears. his eyes softened as he looked at her. but it wasn't enough, he knew he couldn't handle a baby. and he wasn't ready to even try.

_"nothing is going to change my mind Margaret"_ he tried turning back around, but was stopped when Margaret jumped in front of him.

_"i love you ben, and i need you. we can do this together."_

"_no! Margaret can't you understand, no matter what i will always fuck up!"_

Margaret was stunned by his tone of voice and choice of words _"you're wrong, you can do this. we can do this. just you and me. you said you would have me no matter what"_

He brushed the tear off her cheek with his thumb,"Margaret, this wasn't exactly in my plans"

_"do you really think it was in mine!... you know what forget it! just leave, don't bother even calling me because I won't call you. i don't need you, i was so stupid to even think you were telling the truth in that damn letter!"_

_"fine with me!"_ he screamed back at her. he stormed down the gravel drive and down the highway. all Margaret could do was watch. tears streamed down her face.

when he was out of sight, she turned and walked slowly back to the farm house. nothing was right, she thought he loved her. she couldn't believe that he was such an ass.

she slammed the door shut behind her, and walked up the stairs to the room she was currently staying in. she laid on the bed and slid off the ring on her finger. she studied he diamonds as they glistened n the sunlight that shined through the pale yellow curtains.

_"he will come back"_ the voice of the ex colonel scared her. she looked up to see him standing in the open doorway.

_"you heard huh_" she said looking back down.

"_kind of hard not to. listen he does love you, he is just scared"_ he said sitting down at the end of the bed.

"I_ always trust the wrong people. I feel like such and idiot to have believed him"_ she wiped her eyes, and closed them forcing the tears back.

_"don't say that Margaret. he will call, he will be back. you know absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all he needs is time to think"_

_"you actually believe that?_" she asked refusing to look up

_"sure as hell do. it has been proven, every time I came back from another tour with them old american troupes, my love for Mildred was a million times stronger. Hawkeye is just not stable enough mentally to look after a child right now. but someday he will be. and when that day rolls around he will come back, which will be much sooner than you think"_

"_I just got nowhere to go while I wait..."_ she started to cry again

"_stay here, you will always have a home here"_

"_thank you colonel_" she smiled up at him.

_"you're welcome Margaret, he will be back_" with that he walked away and closed the door behind him. Margaret lay back against the pillows and continued to stare at the ring.

the colonel walked down the stairs, and into the kitchen straight to the phone. he placed the call. and as he awaited for the well-known farmer to answer on the other end, he watched his beautiful wife of 45 years clean the cluttered kitchen. he smiled to himself, remembering every special moment with Mildred.

his thoughts were interrupted by the voice on the other end of the phone line _"hello, O'reilly residence" _

_"hey, radar can you do me a favor..."_

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Hawkeye walked farther and farther away from the farm-house. he couldn't go back, not after what he said to Margaret. he sat down on the side of the road and closed his eyes, stopping the tears from falling._ 'I've screwed everything up royally'_ he thought._ 'how can i make things right'_ he sat there for what felt like hours before someone drove by. the noisy truck came to a halt in front of him.

"_hey stranger, long time no see_" Hawkeye recognized that voice, he shot his head up and his eyes locked on the familiar small figure of one Walter O'Reilly.

_"radar?"_ he was quite confused

_"you bet sir_" radar smiled as he walked towards the hunched figure. Hawkeye stood up, and gave the young man a big hug. "

_what are you doing here?"_

_"helping a friend"_ the farmer said as he pulled back from the hug.

_" need a lift?" _

_"yeah, where you headed?"_

_"where ever you want me to take you"_ he walked back to his truck and opened up his door and climbed in as Hawkeye did the same on the passenger side.

_"I know what is going on hawk, Sherman ... colonel potter called me"_ radar said as he turned the key in the ignition.

_"oh_" is all hawk could say. _"what brings you to Hannibal?"_

_"I live here!"_ radar said happily

_"really?"_

_"yep, i moved here when the war ended. saved up enough money and moved out here. the help from kim hon was a big blessing. now he is in college and im living on a small farm not far from here with my mom and wife."_ he said proudly

_"wait ... wife?"_ Hawkeye was shocked.

_"yeah, met here in Korea. at the airport coming back from my R&R, just before i was discharged. she was heading home, and she lived only 100 miles from Ottumwa. for me it was love at first sight. we got to talking, we chatted fora couple of hours before I had to leave. we promised we would look each other up when I became state side. well I did and we started to meet every sunday, she came to my place one week and the next I went out there. things got serious, then I proposed. we got married about a month after, which was just before the truce was signed in Korea."_

"_wow"_ Hawkeye was stunned. he finally noticed where they were. "_radar! what are we doing here!"_ they were back at the colonels

_"helping a friend"_ he smiled mischievously

_"radar..."_ Hawkeye was angry but he knew he had to talk to Margaret.

_"get out"_radar said politely

_"what?"_

_"get out sir... this is something you need to do_" he was right, he climbed out and walked up the gravel road back to the house. the whole time his stomach was in knots. he finally got the courage and knocked on the wooden door,the colonel answered and he knew what was up.

_"she is asleep, be quiet when you get up there_" without a word Hawkeye walked inside the house and tiptoed up the stairs.

It had only been a couple of hours since he last spoke to her but he was still very nervous. he opened the door slowly and walked in. he saw here there asleep, the ring laying on her noticed the crumpled piece of pape on the floor. he crawled over to where it lied and picked it up cautiously, he crawled back over to the closed-door and leaned against it and began to read the familiar messy writing.

**A/N there yea go, the 3rd chapter :) review please!**


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